Month: March 2013

Easter Part 3

by deidreswain, posted in My Christian Journey, Uncategorized

So tomorrow morning many will be getting up before the sun rises. They will dress their children in their new carefully chosen clothing. The family will look all nice and neat, like they do this every Sunday. Even the ones who do go every Sunday will be dressed in their Easter finest. Everyone will go, pray and worship, it will be a glorious time.

But will we remember the beating? Will we remember how those closest to Him turned their backs on Him? Will we remember that He loved us so much that He laid His life down for us? Will we actually remember what this day is all about?

It took me a long time to actually understand the meaning of Easter. I’m not going to tell no tales, the movie “The Passion of the Christ” really made me understand that day and why we celebrate it.

Every day we can look and see what His death meant for us. We can choose to believe or not believe, we do wrong and He will still stands by our side hoping we will finally choose Him.

It makes me smile just to think about it. Everyday I feel myself growing in with God and His son Jesus. I swear this is a feeling like no other. I know I still have a lot more growing to do but I’m so glad He died on the cross for us so that we all could have a chance to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.

My Easer Sunday will be spent with my church family and friends. I will enjoy the day and will send a prayer Gods and Jesus way every chance I get because of their selflessness.

I hope you all remember the real reason for the day and have a blessed one.

Peace and Love,
Deidre

Hope (A quick short post)

by deidreswain, posted in My Christian Journey

There is still hope for this world. We aren’t all bad.

When Pope Francis washed the feet of child inmates this proved that there are still people who have the humility to do something like that. It made my heart swell with pride although I’m not Catholic, you can’t ignore what something like that means.

Peace and Love,
Deidre

Right and Wrong Way to be a Christian

by deidreswain, posted in My Christian Journey, Uncategorized

I’m a bit bothered right now.

I was told that I’m not going about my Christian Journey the correct way. It truly hurt my feelings because I felt as though I was getting closer to God through my reading and writing about him.

I read my bible everyday and then I write about what I’ve read and learned. What’s wrong about that?

I want to be the best Christian my way by Gods way (my husbands words to me). He made me the way I am. I’m quirky, weird, lazy, creative, artistic, emotional, unforgiving of myself, a good friend, a loving wife…. I’m so many things and God makes no mistakes. I know he wants me to work on the lazy thing and not forgiving myself but God has placed me right were He wants me to be in my life.

I don’t pray.

Wait before your mouth drops. I Talk to Jesus and I include His father in the conversation and it’s like one big gab fest, (Even though I need to learn to listen as much as I talk one of my many flaws). I love the relationship I have with Jesus and God. I can’t wait until I have the Holy Spirit and elevate myself to an even higher spiritual plane…

God has a plan for each and every one of our lives. Don’t let anyone or anything take away from what you feel you need to do in order to get closer to God. I’ll pray for the person who made me feel bad about myself, but I will never stop  trying my best to become closer to God.

I love the Lord

Easter Part. 2

by deidreswain, posted in My Christian Journey

So part 2 of my Easter blog was interrupted yesterday but I’m quite sure you understand why.

While enjoying my Saturday, the husband and I decided to watch “The Passion of The Christ” and as usual, I couldn’t make it through the whole movie without a face full of tears.

There are a lot about this movie that stands out, but this one time I watched it I paid more attention was as the chief priests were making their case against Christ was the reaction of the crowd and how they jumped on the bandwagon to condemn a man that I’m sure many didn’t know except my word of mouth.

That got me to thinking. How often do we jump on a bandwagon without knowing all the facts? How often do we look at someone differently for a mistake they made without knowing all the facts?

I have a saying in life “The only that separates you and someone in jail is one bad decision”.

But people love jumping on and condemning someone without all the facts. Case in point, lets all go back to civics class, there are three branches of government: Legislative, Judicial and Executive. Our fore fathers designed it this way as a form of checks and balances so that no one would have all the power you know like the POTUS. So guess who makes the laws? The Legislative branch and then who signs it? The POTUS, know with knowing all the facts who is really responsible for the economy? Go ahead let it sink in, I’ll wait.

That is just one example that really gets under my skin when we blame the POTUS for all of our countries problems and I can’t really talk because I used to blame Bush when now I see that he was just the pen.

But back to our subject, Matthew 7:1-2 says: Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgement you judge, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.

So those that were in the crowd yelling Jesus crucifixion, can you imagine some of the things that had done? and there they were wanting someone to be killed!! and these were His own  people!!

They thought what was the popular thing to do was the right thing to do. How often do we see that today? How often do we do what the majority is doing just because? Although being different is in, but if everyone is different doesn’t that make them all the same? (Food for thought)

So what I’m trying to say is think before  you condemn, walk a mile in someones shoes before you judge. Think about yourself in that situation before you put someone down. Like the saying goes you never know when you’re entertaining one of God’s Angels.

***(Disclaimer)***

Please know that I am very new in my Christian journey.  If you see anything that isn’t correct or something you don’t agree with let’s talk about it. I love learning new point of views from other people. I want to know the correct way instead of thinking I’m right. I’m not perfect and God isn’t through with me yet.

Happy Birthday CJ (my heavenly angel)

by deidreswain, posted in Family Time, My Christian Journey

So I totally had Part. 2 to my Easter blog planned.  I had even done all of research to speak on the subject. Then I go on Facebook for the first time today and what do I see..

My ex-husband had posted a birthday wish to our heavenly angel CJ, which included a picture of him taken when he was in the hospital.

Every bit of pain and emotion that I felt the day he was born and the day he died hit me like a ton of bricks.  You see he was born at 24 weeks…. very early to 26 year old couple at Shape, Belgium, a foreign country which we had only been in for a few short weeks, who knew nothing about being pregnant or having a baby.

My pregnancy was extremely difficult, and the only thing I was looking forward to having that special little person who would come out of me and just make me forget everything that I had  gone through.  

God had other ideas though. Trust me when I say, I know it’s true and I know  I’m on a path of spiritual awakening, but that statement is still hard to say.  I would trade me life to this day for my son to be on this Earth, but God makes know mistakes and He knows what’s best for me.

That still doesn’t stop me from thinking what if… I love my husband, but would I have gotten a divorce from my ex? (Statistics say this is normal after the loss of a child) Would I have had more children? (I still have no bio child) How would I have been as a person? Would I have come to Christ sooner? So many questions with answers that I know I will never have.

I always thought that this day would get easier. I thought that as the years went by it would hurt a little less. It hasn’t and doesn’t. My heart aches even as I’m typing this and I thank God for those around me who keep me uplifted during this time.

Losing a child is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. As the saying goes “It’s unnatural for a parent to bury their child”. My heart goes out to everyone who has had to bury theirs. It’s a club that no one wishes to be apart of.

I have to take a moment though and say thank you to those special people that I met while in Belgium.You guys became my family and I can say from the bottom of my heart that I love these ladies. They have wiped tears, held my hand, and just gave me every part of them even though they had only known me for such a short time (in the beginning). I loved you guys then and love you still now.

Carlos D. Blackmon II will always be my first child that grew inside of me, prayer fully he won’t be the last.  He is the one that I draw on when I need strength because I know if I could get through that then anything else I go through is nothing. He is the one who put the thought in my head about becoming a mother because before him I would have laughed at you.  Through him God has taught me some invaluable lessons about life. Although my baby boy is gone, he will never ever be far from my heart. I will love him always and because the tears are welling up in my eyes again I’m going to end this so I can pray my way through this.

Just to add something my husband just told me, don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel if you have gone through something like this. Yell, scream, kick, cry, exercise, just do whatever it is you need to do and don’t feel bad about it. It’s okay. Our club has no rules.

Romans 3:23/Part 1 of Easter Blog

by deidreswain, posted in My Christian Journey

Romans 3:23 states: For ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

I am not perfect, but neither is anyone reading this. (Sorry but it’s the truth), but probably unlike you I hold all of past transgressions against myself. I hold onto them knowing that God has forgiven me. 

Why? I really can’t answer that question. I feel as though I should have know better, should have been better. I like to think I’m an extremely smart and bright person (no laughing or jokes people), who shouldn’t have done anything that I did in my past. (I will allude to some of these things later, trust) At trust God isn’t through with me yet….

But God is not always proud of us, we do things that He has explicitly told us not to do, we pray and don’t listen or wait for His answers, we do so much that I’m sure that Jesus questions his discussion to die for our sins, because we learn nothing from our past or the past of others. I mean speaking as someone who is living now, I’m not sure I would have had the guts to die for a world knowing that some didn’t believe in me, some would forsaken me and some would just ignore all the things that I do in their life.

This generation is slowly getting away from what our grandparents believed in, how they helped one another, the things they stood for. I know that some people are still holding true to helping others. There is a person that I admire so much for her contribution to helping others. I want to mention her name but I’m not sure how she would fill about it so I’ll ask her and then tell you.

But we have got to understand that we are not perfect, God never expected us to be. He just wants us to do better. It’s not hard, nor will it be the easiest thing to do but it can be done.

Think about it. It’s already written.

 

 

 

 

 

Intentions

by deidreswain, posted in My Christian Journey, My Goals

I’m getting this one up early because I am determined to be in bed and sleep no later than 8:30pm.

If you have read any of my blogs you know that I suffer from extreme insomnia, and if you don’t know just ask my car which I have run into the house twice while in a foggy mind frame.

Sleep is very important to the body which I have found out the hard way, but this blog is not about that tonight.

So as you all may know I TRY and do things in my church that glorify. I love God and this is what we are supposed to do.  The reason why try is in bold letters is because I live about 45 minutes away from my church so it isn’t always the most convenient place to go at a moments notice.  

So being as last night was one of those nights were I got no sleep and still had things to do during the day sleep was out of the question. So my intentions were to pick up my bonus son (which I did), go over homework (test tomorrow and I believe strongly in schoolwork), and feed him dinner (all done). Now I might add that his test worksheet was with his mother so I had to meet up with her to get it. 

By the time all of this is done I’m completely exhausted. I haven’t slept all day and although I’m good for the drive down, the one back is the one was mostly concerned with especially since I wouldn’t be alone. I had another life to look out for. 

So the hubby puts his foot down and says he doesn’t trust that I have enough energy for the task at hand.

But my intentions were to go and help the children prepare for their Easter Celebration.  Now I feel like I have good intentions but I didn’t follow through. So which is better wanting to do something or actually doing is regardless of the circumstances?

I believe my health and the welfare of my family comes first and I’m quite sure many of you agree. But when do we push ourselves beyond to make sure our intentions turn into results? 

I trust God whole heartedly, but he is trying to show me something with this insomnia thing. I believe that. 

My intentions are always good no matter how they start out. So charge it to my head and not to my heart. I will always do what I can.

God Bless

 

Love & Marriage

by deidreswain, posted in Family Time, My Christian Journey, Relationship

I couldn’t find a title to this post. Because the ideas are so jumble in my head but I’m going to try my best to write a good post without rambling 🙂

As I mentioned in an earlier post I am reading a book about building a lasting marriage. So the book is broken up into chapters about different couples in the Bible, the things they went through, and what we can learn from them.

So I’m reading about Abraham and Sarah. They are describe as Partners in Faith.  Imagine my surprise when I read that they went against Gods word!! I know, I know and as you can tell I am no Bible scholar. I actual thought that everything that the Bible speaks about is what God wanted people to do. The thought never entered my mind that even then people still had their free will to choose what they wanted to do.

In case you don’t know the story of Abraham and Sarah (Abram and Sarai before God changed their names) are the only couple in the Bible who are given the biggest focus. Their story spans 13 chapters!!

Abraham and Sarah were given commands by God some they listened to and others they didn’t.  See even back then people didn’t always have faith that God would do everything He promised to do. (Hence the reason Sarah persuaded her maid to have a baby with her husband).

When I read about this it really struck a cord with me. How many times has my husband told me he would take care of something just for me to go behind him and do it myself? How many times have I prayed to God for something and instead of waiting on the answer took it upon myself and even convinced myself that if it worked out that it’s what God wanted?

Even though they didn’t always follow the path that God had set before them, in the end He delivered everything that He promised He would do.  Nothing but trouble came from the decision Sarah made to have her husband have a baby with Hagar. (The birth of Ishmael is the cause of the ongoing conflict between the Arabs and Jews to this day).

I say all this to make a couple of points:

  • Our way isn’t the always the best way.
  • God has a plan for our lives. Trust Him.
  • It’s okay to not know what to do.
  • Never ever let your husband have a baby with your maid!! (LOL)

But women learn to trust your husbands (if he is a Godly man) if he loves you and cares, he will never steer you in the wrong direction. Believe that as the head of your household God gives him all that the family needs to make it through.

Happy Anniversary to Me!!

by deidreswain, posted in My Christian Journey, Relationship

Image

So March 19, was my two year wedding anniversary.  I married such an amazing man, that I know that it was truly God who sent him into my life.

So that brings me to tonights topic. Divorce.

Some people say that regardless of what you should never divorce, because what God has joined together no man/woman separate.  But what if God isn’t in the relationship at all? What if this was something that you wanted even if you know that it wasn’t a good idea?

God has to be in a relationship for it to work. Point blank period. That’s the only way that no man/woman can separate what God has joined together.

A woman of Christ

by deidreswain, posted in My Christian Journey, My Goals

This is what I strive to be.

But what is this exactly?

When we seen our grandparents as saved people, that seemed to be a boring life. They never seemed to have any fun unless they were in church. But how does todays modern woman be a woman of Christ without falling into the trappings of the world?

I still want to be fashionable, hip, and stay the young person that I feel. I want to set a good example though, I don’t want there to be any question on my love and dedication to God. But where is the line drawn?

The Bible says that once you accept Christ you become something new, but isn’t there always a bit of the old mixed in with the new? If you were a comedian do you lose you funny bone because you become saved? Or does someone who wants to become an actress give that all up?

I know that God knows who we are deep down to our bones, so I think He calls us for the personality and the people that we are.

If you are gifted in any sort of way or even if you are just fashionable, all those gifts can be used to the glory of God. Now the “old school” church may not see it that way.

Example my husband loves music. Like absolutely loves it.  He has searched the internet until he found the type of gospel music that he can actually “feel”.  I mean he has found gospel music that actually beats in his truck. I mean he loves it! He said that if he knew that gospel music sounded that good he would have been converted (LOL).

I’m quite sure when people hear his truck and the music is booming I’m willing to bet that people think he’s listening to something other than gospel music.

So how do I stay a woman of Christ and stay true to who I am at the same time?