Love

I don’t really talk much about my relationship.

It’s because I’m so in love that I quite put it into words. My husband is the most wonderful man I have ever known. I truly love him.

So who’s rib was I made from? I’ve been married before and I’ve been in other relationships before. So with that being said who was the one I was meant to be connected to?

I realize how differently my relationship is so different from other relationships that I see and I always wonder is mine good different or bad different?

Since our relationship started with us being together 24/7, we rarely do anything without the other. My husband opens doors for me all the time, I mean all the time. I don’t take out trash, do any yard work, my car is always washed and most importantly he tries to understand my emotional needs. (You know as women we are very complex).

My life with my husband is beautiful, and spiritual. Of course we have disagreements like any other couple but we try to not let it go on too long.(I get mad extremely). He is so easy going with a real easy going nature, while I’m going through the house yelling at the top of my lungs. (That’s me and I’m working on it)

I’m in love, but it makes me wonder am I his rib? Did I pick the wrong husband the first time and then God stepped in and pointed me in the direction that I should go in?

I believe so because we are equally yoked, which is the most important thing. The one for us is out there unless God designed it for us to be alone for His glory (or because you have issues and can’t keep a man.

There is nothing wrong with love, but not only are we suppose to have unconditional love for those closes to us but also to one another. Love actually makes the world go round (I know it also makes some people crazy). Love is what God wants us to show each other. We love saying it but do we actually mean it?

I believe we should start learning in loving each other more than ever know. The world today is filled with such hate and turmoil that this is the only thing that we can do to fix ii.

So love one another.

Peace and Love,
Deidre

Easter Part 3

So tomorrow morning many will be getting up before the sun rises. They will dress their children in their new carefully chosen clothing. The family will look all nice and neat, like they do this every Sunday. Even the ones who do go every Sunday will be dressed in their Easter finest. Everyone will go, pray and worship, it will be a glorious time.

But will we remember the beating? Will we remember how those closest to Him turned their backs on Him? Will we remember that He loved us so much that He laid His life down for us? Will we actually remember what this day is all about?

It took me a long time to actually understand the meaning of Easter. I’m not going to tell no tales, the movie “The Passion of the Christ” really made me understand that day and why we celebrate it.

Every day we can look and see what His death meant for us. We can choose to believe or not believe, we do wrong and He will still stands by our side hoping we will finally choose Him.

It makes me smile just to think about it. Everyday I feel myself growing in with God and His son Jesus. I swear this is a feeling like no other. I know I still have a lot more growing to do but I’m so glad He died on the cross for us so that we all could have a chance to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.

My Easer Sunday will be spent with my church family and friends. I will enjoy the day and will send a prayer Gods and Jesus way every chance I get because of their selflessness.

I hope you all remember the real reason for the day and have a blessed one.

Peace and Love,
Deidre

Happy Birthday CJ (my heavenly angel)

So I totally had Part. 2 to my Easter blog planned.  I had even done all of research to speak on the subject. Then I go on Facebook for the first time today and what do I see..

My ex-husband had posted a birthday wish to our heavenly angel CJ, which included a picture of him taken when he was in the hospital.

Every bit of pain and emotion that I felt the day he was born and the day he died hit me like a ton of bricks.  You see he was born at 24 weeks…. very early to 26 year old couple at Shape, Belgium, a foreign country which we had only been in for a few short weeks, who knew nothing about being pregnant or having a baby.

My pregnancy was extremely difficult, and the only thing I was looking forward to having that special little person who would come out of me and just make me forget everything that I had  gone through.  

God had other ideas though. Trust me when I say, I know it’s true and I know  I’m on a path of spiritual awakening, but that statement is still hard to say.  I would trade me life to this day for my son to be on this Earth, but God makes know mistakes and He knows what’s best for me.

That still doesn’t stop me from thinking what if… I love my husband, but would I have gotten a divorce from my ex? (Statistics say this is normal after the loss of a child) Would I have had more children? (I still have no bio child) How would I have been as a person? Would I have come to Christ sooner? So many questions with answers that I know I will never have.

I always thought that this day would get easier. I thought that as the years went by it would hurt a little less. It hasn’t and doesn’t. My heart aches even as I’m typing this and I thank God for those around me who keep me uplifted during this time.

Losing a child is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. As the saying goes “It’s unnatural for a parent to bury their child”. My heart goes out to everyone who has had to bury theirs. It’s a club that no one wishes to be apart of.

I have to take a moment though and say thank you to those special people that I met while in Belgium.You guys became my family and I can say from the bottom of my heart that I love these ladies. They have wiped tears, held my hand, and just gave me every part of them even though they had only known me for such a short time (in the beginning). I loved you guys then and love you still now.

Carlos D. Blackmon II will always be my first child that grew inside of me, prayer fully he won’t be the last.  He is the one that I draw on when I need strength because I know if I could get through that then anything else I go through is nothing. He is the one who put the thought in my head about becoming a mother because before him I would have laughed at you.  Through him God has taught me some invaluable lessons about life. Although my baby boy is gone, he will never ever be far from my heart. I will love him always and because the tears are welling up in my eyes again I’m going to end this so I can pray my way through this.

Just to add something my husband just told me, don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel if you have gone through something like this. Yell, scream, kick, cry, exercise, just do whatever it is you need to do and don’t feel bad about it. It’s okay. Our club has no rules.

I found my soul mate…

I’ve always said that most people never actually end up with their soul mate. For the most part we normally settle for the closes person who fits the description of what we want in a mate. After being married for about 6 years my ex-husband and I realized that we weren’t meant to be together. There wasn’t a lot of bitterness because we both knew this but since we had no one else we just continued to be married. At this time I sat down and made a short list of what was important to me in a man (a very short list, I’m not Chili). Even though I was just getting out of a marriage, I loved being a wife and I knew that’s what wanted for myself. If I dated someone I wanted the man to know (yes I said man) to know what my intentions were.  I wanted a husband. 

I was afraid to date though. I didn’t want to go through a bunch of guys who didn’t know what they wanted or they weren’t ready to settle down.  Plus I’m sort of high maintenance so it was going to take some one extra special to deal with everything that makes up me!  I had grown up alot ,seen some things in life and knew that the usual didn’t work for me.  Luckily for me someone else was looking for that exact same thing.

My husband is my soul mate. I went around the world and back (literally), just to come back and find a country man from a small town named Childersburg.  My husband is a firm believer in if I’m not happy then he isnt either. His goals are focused on making a better life for our family and nothing more. He is man enough to stand up to peer pressure when he’s called “whipped”. I love being a wife to him, I cant start or end my day without thanking God for bringing and keeping this man I my life. We pray together, laugh together, cry together… doing anything apart is not an option for us because in our eyes that leads to the creation of space between us. We have made our dreams and goals one, so that we can always be on the same page going in the same direction.

I could go on and on about our relationship and our live for each other.  But its not necessart . Soul mates don’t have to tell the world how much they love each other we show it.  The respect we have for each other and our relationship says it all. God blessed me with my soul mate.