So after two years of not being on birth control, and just using the if it happens method of birth control, I finally decided to go to the doctor to see what was going on. For woman who have gone through this and not really serious about being pregnant because they weren’t sure that it was for them, I went into the situation with no expectations. Imagine my surprise when I found that I don’t ovulate my progesterone level was 0.4…. yes go ahead and drop your mouth because that’s how I felt also. I’ve been pregnant before so how could I not be ovulating? What’s going on? The doctor told me from a test that I had taken a few years earlier that then the level was only 0.8….
But being that I’ve been through so much I tried not to break a sweat, and the next question out of my mouth was okay, what can we do to fix it? They told me Clomid, which would give me a 60% chance of getting pregnant over the next 6 months (along with a 5% chance of twins) so I said well bring it on then!! LOL, I know it may sound funny but I’m happy to know what’s going on with my body and to know that there is something I can do to help. I still believe that regardless it will happen if it’s suppose to and if it doesn’t well then….Life goes on and I just live it the best way I can.
Easter is over and now the pretty dresses and suits have been put away to come again on Mother’s Day when Mother’s all over the world beg their sons and daughters to come to church with them.
But I digress.
So I’m not just a spiritual person (or trying my hardest to be). I live life. A real one with real problems.
I don’t try to run or hide from them, I do pray about them and hope that I hear the answer that God gives me, even though sometimes I don’t (I’m not the best listener).
My question is how do you know that you are doing what God wants you to do? How do you know the things you say are right? How do you know that God actually wanted you in the place you work or the career you are in? Seriously how do you know? Is it because it feels right to you? Is it because you prayed and you “felt” that God had answered your prayers?
If you are broke, and you find $20 on the ground is that money God wanted you to have or did you just pick up something that someone else had dropped? Does that make it yours? Did God want that person to drop their hard earned money so you could pick it up and swear it was a blessing?
Now I’ve done things like that before so I’m not judging anyone. I know that I struggle with my wants and Gods wants. I never know how well I’m actually listening to myself because I want it so bad or if He is actually telling me this is what I should be doing.
I was told that this early in my spiritual world that I shouldn’t be blogging. I beg to differ, it could be because this is what I want or maybe God wants be to write so I will never forget my journey.
Today I found my bucket list from 2012. I only had 4 items on it. One of them was to have a blog and be consistent. I’m finally doing what I prayed I would do it and feel good about everything I’m writing.
I think I am accomplishing that and that God wanted me to do that at the right moment in my life.
So is God actually talking to you or do you only think you hear him.
I was told that I’m not going about my Christian Journey the correct way. It truly hurt my feelings because I felt as though I was getting closer to God through my reading and writing about him.
I read my bible everyday and then I write about what I’ve read and learned. What’s wrong about that?
I want to be the best Christian my way by Gods way (my husbands words to me). He made me the way I am. I’m quirky, weird, lazy, creative, artistic, emotional, unforgiving of myself, a good friend, a loving wife…. I’m so many things and God makes no mistakes. I know he wants me to work on the lazy thing and not forgiving myself but God has placed me right were He wants me to be in my life.
I don’t pray.
Wait before your mouth drops. I Talk to Jesus and I include His father in the conversation and it’s like one big gab fest, (Even though I need to learn to listen as much as I talk one of my many flaws). I love the relationship I have with Jesus and God. I can’t wait until I have the Holy Spirit and elevate myself to an even higher spiritual plane…
God has a plan for each and every one of our lives. Don’t let anyone or anything take away from what you feel you need to do in order to get closer to God. I’ll pray for the person who made me feel bad about myself, but I will never stop trying my best to become closer to God.
I couldn’t find a title to this post. Because the ideas are so jumble in my head but I’m going to try my best to write a good post without rambling 🙂
As I mentioned in an earlier post I am reading a book about building a lasting marriage. So the book is broken up into chapters about different couples in the Bible, the things they went through, and what we can learn from them.
So I’m reading about Abraham and Sarah. They are describe as Partners in Faith. Imagine my surprise when I read that they went against Gods word!! I know, I know and as you can tell I am no Bible scholar. I actual thought that everything that the Bible speaks about is what God wanted people to do. The thought never entered my mind that even then people still had their free will to choose what they wanted to do.
In case you don’t know the story of Abraham and Sarah (Abram and Sarai before God changed their names) are the only couple in the Bible who are given the biggest focus. Their story spans 13 chapters!!
Abraham and Sarah were given commands by God some they listened to and others they didn’t. See even back then people didn’t always have faith that God would do everything He promised to do. (Hence the reason Sarah persuaded her maid to have a baby with her husband).
When I read about this it really struck a cord with me. How many times has my husband told me he would take care of something just for me to go behind him and do it myself? How many times have I prayed to God for something and instead of waiting on the answer took it upon myself and even convinced myself that if it worked out that it’s what God wanted?
Even though they didn’t always follow the path that God had set before them, in the end He delivered everything that He promised He would do. Nothing but trouble came from the decision Sarah made to have her husband have a baby with Hagar. (The birth of Ishmael is the cause of the ongoing conflict between the Arabs and Jews to this day).
I say all this to make a couple of points:
Our way isn’t the always the best way.
God has a plan for our lives. Trust Him.
It’s okay to not know what to do.
Never ever let your husband have a baby with your maid!! (LOL)
But women learn to trust your husbands (if he is a Godly man) if he loves you and cares, he will never steer you in the wrong direction. Believe that as the head of your household God gives him all that the family needs to make it through.
Over the weekend my husband and I finally worked on our vision book. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s where you actually put together a collage of your dreams. This why you actually have a visual of them, not just thoughts of them. It does make it easier to actually see the things we wish to accomplish in our personal and professional life.
One of the things that we both really wanted to accomplish was to become closer to God and incorporate Him in our everyday lives. So now every night before we go to sleep for the night we have taken to reading and having discussions about the Bible. It’s actually been quite interesting to hear his point of view on biblical things (not that we haven’t had these conversations before). I think that increases our communication and actually brings us closer together because we have so many subjects we can discuss. (more on that at another time)
I think just reading and trying to get a better understanding of who God is and what His son Jesus did for us brings us closer to Him because we put in the time and effort to read His word. I it does everyone some good to have some sort of spiritual connection. I get this great inner peace after I’ve prayed or read Gods word.