Category: Uncategorized

Back Stabbers

by deidreswain, posted in Living Life, My Christian Journey, Uncategorized

So lately I’ve had a lot of hurt and aggression in my heart towards a lot of people. I know that’s not the right thing to do because the Bible says in Mathew 18:15-17. I should go to the person in private and deal with whatever issues we have.

I’m all for that. I believe I’ve come to know myself more that I should and can be able to stand up for myself.

But what if it doesn’t solve the problem and just creates a bigger one? What if you can’t tell a person that they have hurt your feelings or said something about you that just isn’t true?

How important is it really that we get people to see us for who we are and not their perception or how important is it that “our” side of the story is known? Or that we let the people know they are a gossip?

I’m a sensitive person who tends to feel the need to always explain myself or tell my side. My husband is completely opposite, he’s one of those “they talked about Jesus” people so why care what people say behind your back.

I guess i’m old fashioned because I feel as though if you can smile in my face or tell me you love me, you shouldn’t be speaking bad about me behind my back under any circumstances. Whatever issues we have “WE” fix them.

I’m not really sure who reads my blogs but if you recognize yourself let’s do lunch and work this out, grown people style. It actually hurts me to know that you aren’t being yourself around me.

Peace and Love,

Acceptance

by deidreswain, posted in Living Life, My Goals, Uncategorized

Do you remember in high school wanting to be around the popular kids? Or wanting to fit in with the “right group?”  Well, I actually never had the problem because the town I went to high school was my hometown so I had lots of family there and I mean lots of family. So because they belonged to so many different groups it was easy to just hang with any of them and be in whatever group I felt like being with. (I had my own group though Scilla, and Shunda)!!!

So then I went away to the military (yes I was active duty for a short while) and guess what because of my winning personality,(I think it may have been because I had big boobs) I was once again with the popular group. Unfortunately this is when I learned that being popular is not the most important thing in life and having everyone like you can blow up in your face in a heartbeat. It taught me alot though, and I did walk away with some lifelong friends.

So now here I am older and once again I thought I had been accepted into the “popular” crowd, until I got in and realized it wasn’t for me. I couldn’t be me, to much drama and then I realized that I am a horrible follower.

You would have thought that by now acceptance wouldn’t be that important to me. Well, NOW it isn’t (that much) but feeling like you are apart of something does make you feel as though life is good, no matter what you are apart of.

In learning myself though I realized I’m an Alpha. I dance to the beat of my own drum, I like to hold court and make the rules. That’s a hard thing to say when coming into someone else’s circle but I’ve accepted that part of me. So if that means I hold court alone then so be it, if I dance alone that’s okay also, and I guess I’ll just have to follow my own set of rules by myself.  But I do know that I will never lower my standards, self-esteem, or anything else about myself to be accepted on anyone else’s terms. I’m too important and too valuable for that.

Acceptance isn’t everything unless you are accepting yourself.

Peace and Love

Me, Myself, and that other person I call I.

by deidreswain, posted in Uncategorized

When I first thought about writing a blog, I wanted it to be profound and thought provoking. I wanted it to change the world, I wanted people to stand around the water cooler in the mornings and talk about how what I had wrote inspired them.

I didn’t know that first you had to get someone to read your blog first. (sad face) Then I thought about how much of myself I wanted to reveal about myself. How did I want the world to perceive me, smart or funny, artistic or very serious or what.  

Then I realized that there is no amount of words that can describe who I am, and if I wanted a story to be told about me, well then I should tell it. 

So while I was taking my shower, using new organic products to help with my 8 year battle with Insomnia, ImageI had an epiphany.  Open myself up. Bare it all and learn all that I can about me and finally learn not to care what others think or say about me. It’s about time too, I mean I am 31 years old. 

Knowing yourself is something I feel like we should all strive to know. It speaks volumes of who you are and how you will carry yourself because you will always know to be true to yourself.  

So I hope I’m able to figure out whom me, myself, and I are so that I can be the best me I can be.

Peace and Love

 

Stress

by deidreswain, posted in Uncategorized

I am making myself go grey.

I worry about everything.  I can’t help it. Relaxing is something I enjoy physically but nothing I’ve been able to enjoy mentally in years.

They say stress is a necessary part of life. It helps for creativity, learning and survival skills. It’s only harmful when it becomes overwhelming. 

Well, then just call me an overwhelming walking stress ball because that’s what you get from me on a daily basis. The smallest thing will send me over the edge for days. 

I’ve tried everything!! I used to drink, I meditate, I pray, exercise, anything and everything you can think of to control your stress level, I’ve tried it. 

So from this point I’ve just decided to just embrace that me and stress go hand and hand.  The only thing I can control is how I allow it to control me. 

I’ll try not to but hey…. it’s life what can you do?

How do you control your stress?

Peace and Love

Perception

by deidreswain, posted in Uncategorized

Everyday I get on the internet and try and read everything I can about everything. (One day I will tell you the story why) today, I came across a harmless article about pods, you know the detergent pods.

Well being the person that I am I use nothing but Tide, that’s what my mother uses and as far as all the commercials and price it’s the best. So imagine my surprise when the best detergent pod was Kirkland brand pods (which is Costco’s store brand).

That got me to thinking. How many other things have I not used or people have I not hung out with or pushed to the side because of my initial “perception” of them?

In this world we look at pretty people and automatically think and feel some sort of way about them. Some think they are stuck up, some think they are good people because they are “pretty’. We look at people we perceive not to be attractive and think that they may be someone we can push over, or that they may be mean because of their unattractiveness.  

Perception is, in my opinion, the one thing that is every human has as a weakness. We think we know when we actually have no idea (thanks MTV). 

But is there really a way to change the way we see everything? I’m black american and if I see another black american walking with their pants sagging then yes I automatically think negative thoughts or if a white person looks at me strangely, I automatically think that they think less of me. Perception…

I would love to stop over thinking things and people and to take them exactly how they are and nothing more. So I’ll start with the woman in the mirror and hope more people do the same.

Peace and Love

 

 

 

Back in the Habit

by deidreswain, posted in Uncategorized

I’ve been M.I.A for awhile, had to take some time to get back to being me.

It’s hard when someone wants you one way and you think that it’s the right way to go but you realize that when you look in the mirror and don’t recognize yourself, something has to change.

So I’m not going to get into some long post tonight just something to exercise my fingers a bit and get me back in the habit of writing and loving it.

Be Blessed,

 

Let he without sin cast the first stone John 8:7

by deidreswain, posted in Uncategorized

Breathe Deidre, Breathe…..

My post get posted on Facebook. Some of my church members read it. I know how word gets out about things but I’ve decided the most important thing for me is to be pray get my answers from God and to be true to myself. Always. No matter what because I like who I have become as a woman. So with that being said I’m about to go against something I know we have all been taught.

Only one person who ever walked this Earth lived without sin, that was Jesus Christ.

Everyday we have thoughts we can’t always control. Even though we pray about a situation and go back and think about it, we are committing a sin. Looking at a cute guy, a sin. Talking about someone, a sin. Little white lies, a sin. Telling people you love them and really don’t, a sin. Gossip, a sin.

Think of the images you see on TV everyday, think about the emotions they invoke in us, sometimes it makes not like a character and talk about how much we dislike them. Sin.

So can we actually live without sin? What about the times that the emotions are so built up in us that things we wouldn’t normally say in our Christian state comes out?

I am very guilty of this and this is why I say God isn’t through with me yet. I ask for His forgiveness and pray that if ever in that situation again I will do things differently. (I do have a bit of a temper problem, I blame it on my dad).

We live in a world today where I completely understand that sometimes it’s better to walk alone than in a crowd. But we all make mistakes from time to time no one is perfect past, present or future.

It scares me because I don’t think I will ever be that perfect. I don’t think I wil every be that good. I wonder wil me trying the best that I can still get me into the Kingdom or Heaven or am I just a lost cause. I’m quite sure I’m not the only who feels that way.

No one can say what God’s “criteria” will be when we get the the Holy Gates. I know and I’ve read that it’s not the works we do that gets us into Heaven it’s by our Faith.

I’m not saying go out and do whatever it is you want to do. But when you keep your Faith you keep the things that you feel please God close to your heart. You may fall but get back up. God’s watching.

Peace and Love,
Deidre

Music

by deidreswain, posted in My Christian Journey, Uncategorized

Something has been strongly on my mind today… music.

If you know me, then you know that I love music. All types as long as it has a melody I can find something about it that I enjoy. Don’t even get my started on a nice drum or guitar rift…

But in my spiritual walk, I’ve been told that I can’t listen to the music that I once listened to. Is this right or wrong?

Now everyone knows that music is universal. It transcends color lines, economic status, and cultures. So when it comes to secular music vs. gospel music what is more important, the point that it is sung by a none gospel artist, that it isn’t in the gospel music genre, or is it more about the lyrical content?

To me music is more about lyrical content then anything else. I know many people will and can dispute this, but please think before you speak.

I like music that has a conscious message. I don’t really care who sings it or what genre it comes from. I love music that opens my eyes to the world. Do you remember John Lennon song “Imagine”? That song is absolutely amazing!!

To me it speaks to a christians heart, but of course this isn’t considered a Christian song now is it?
Do you realize how many songs Michael Jackson did that had messages behind them? Here’s one line everyone should remember “If you can’t feed your baby, then don’t have a baby”, so simple.

But yet I’m told that this type of music isn’t pleasing to Gods ears.

Once again I’m trying to become the best christian that I can be, but since I’ve started on this journey I’ve come to realize that some things that I used to think doesn’t sit well with me anymore. It doesn’t go with the things I’ve had conversations with Jesus and God about.

The music thing is big on my list because it is something that is important to me, when I’m happy, sad, or even mad, music has a way of making me see things that I didn’t see before I heard certain song. I love the way some songs make me think outside of myself or they make me feel like I can be more than I am. Music does that for me.

God places things, people, and situations in our lives to teach us things. We are not all reached by God the same way. He reaches us however and wherever He can. Maybe music and writing is the way He reaches me.

Who knows? What do you think?

Peace and Love,
Deidre

Life

by deidreswain, posted in Uncategorized

Easter is over and now the pretty dresses and suits have been put away to come again on Mother’s Day when Mother’s all over the world beg their sons and daughters to come to church with them.

But I digress.

So I’m not just a spiritual person (or trying my hardest to be). I live life. A real one with real problems.

I don’t try to run or hide from them, I do pray about them and hope that I hear the answer that God gives me, even though sometimes I don’t (I’m not the best listener).

My question is how do you know that you are doing what God wants you to do? How do you know the things you say are right? How do you know that God actually wanted you in the place you work or the career you are in? Seriously how do you know? Is it because it feels right to you? Is it because you prayed and you “felt” that God had answered your prayers?

If you are broke, and you find $20 on the ground is that money God wanted you to have or did you just pick up something that someone else had dropped? Does that make it yours? Did God want that person to drop their hard earned money so you could pick it up and swear it was a blessing?

Now I’ve done things like that before so I’m not judging anyone. I know that I struggle with my wants and Gods wants. I never know how well I’m actually listening to myself because I want it so bad or if He is actually telling me this is what I should be doing.

I was told that this early in my spiritual world that I shouldn’t be blogging. I beg to differ, it could be because this is what I want or maybe God wants be to write so I will never forget my journey.

Today I found my bucket list from 2012. I only had 4 items on it. One of them was to have a blog and be consistent. I’m finally doing what I prayed I would do it and feel good about everything I’m writing.

I think I am accomplishing that and that God wanted me to do that at the right moment in my life.

So is God actually talking to you or do you only think you hear him.