I have an anxiety disorder… which is really just a fancy way of saying that I’m high strung and hard to calm down sometimes. So when I’m put in situations which I can control or I haven’t planned, my thought process has a tendency to go overboard and I become consumed with thoughts of the situation. Trust me it isn’t a pretty sight.
I am frustrated with this because I hate roadblocks! This is another one that I have to overcome in order to become the best child of God that I can become. How is it that i’m suppose to be able to have this unwavering faith when I seem to fall apart when things don’t go as I would have them planned? I try and stay strong, planted and rooted in the knowledge of God’s word that He will never forsake me and that His promises are true.
I pray and I know I will have to continue to pray harder everyday because I can’t let this beat me. God gave me this because He knew I was strong enough to overcome. (I will have to share later why and how I know this is true). I just can’t get so down on myself when the grip that I think that I have starts to loosen. I mean no one is strong everyday.
It is totally okay not to be perfect. Throw caution to the wind and live the best life for you. Have that unwavering faith in God that as long as you live as He has you to live, He will never leave you hanging.
Peace and Love,
No one is perfect, and more than anything I always try and be the best person that I can be. I have a very serious problem though. I really hate to disappoint people, which leads to very disastrous consequences. I have no idea where this need to be everything to everyone comes from.
I feel at these times I miss out on the chance to be a better person. These are the times where I need to be able to show what I’m made of and just own up to the fact that I’ve fallen short of expectations. It feels as though it kills me to do that!
I mean don’t want anyone to think me, my life or anything around me is perfect or always in complete working order. They are not! I’m sometimes a mess and so is my life. I just try as hard as I can to not let that get me down because God doesn’t want a mopey me!
I actually hope there are more times to come that can test me and give me the opportunity to just accept the fact that I will disappoint people (not on purpose) and that I can and will live through it. If someone looks at me differently for making a mistake then all I can do is apologize and ask for their forgiveness.
God is still working on me.
Peace and Love,
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
I wasn’t going to post anything tonight but I started reading my verse for the night and this came up. I couldn’t do anything but laugh. Why would I laugh? Every single day someone opens their mouth and says something negative about someone else. I’m guilty of it myself. So please don’t think I’m trying to condemn anyone. It just amazes me that we aren’t kind to one another or tenderhearted, we don’t try to understand each other to see where the other person is coming from. We judge without knowing the facts. I have already challenged myself to stop talking about others. I’ve been doing pretty good (not perfect), but I know that I want to do better and maybe people won’t talk about me. I do believe that it starts with one person taking a stand against negativity so that others may change. Like Michael Jackson said “start with the man in the mirror.”
Peace and Love,
So lately I’ve had a lot of hurt and aggression in my heart towards a lot of people. I know that’s not the right thing to do because the Bible says in Mathew 18:15-17. I should go to the person in private and deal with whatever issues we have.
I’m all for that. I believe I’ve come to know myself more that I should and can be able to stand up for myself.
But what if it doesn’t solve the problem and just creates a bigger one? What if you can’t tell a person that they have hurt your feelings or said something about you that just isn’t true?
How important is it really that we get people to see us for who we are and not their perception or how important is it that “our” side of the story is known? Or that we let the people know they are a gossip?
I’m a sensitive person who tends to feel the need to always explain myself or tell my side. My husband is completely opposite, he’s one of those “they talked about Jesus” people so why care what people say behind your back.
I guess i’m old fashioned because I feel as though if you can smile in my face or tell me you love me, you shouldn’t be speaking bad about me behind my back under any circumstances. Whatever issues we have “WE” fix them.
I’m not really sure who reads my blogs but if you recognize yourself let’s do lunch and work this out, grown people style. It actually hurts me to know that you aren’t being yourself around me.
Peace and Love,
Do you remember in high school wanting to be around the popular kids? Or wanting to fit in with the “right group?” Well, I actually never had the problem because the town I went to high school was my hometown so I had lots of family there and I mean lots of family. So because they belonged to so many different groups it was easy to just hang with any of them and be in whatever group I felt like being with. (I had my own group though Scilla, and Shunda)!!!
So then I went away to the military (yes I was active duty for a short while) and guess what because of my winning personality,(I think it may have been because I had big boobs) I was once again with the popular group. Unfortunately this is when I learned that being popular is not the most important thing in life and having everyone like you can blow up in your face in a heartbeat. It taught me alot though, and I did walk away with some lifelong friends.
So now here I am older and once again I thought I had been accepted into the “popular” crowd, until I got in and realized it wasn’t for me. I couldn’t be me, to much drama and then I realized that I am a horrible follower.
You would have thought that by now acceptance wouldn’t be that important to me. Well, NOW it isn’t (that much) but feeling like you are apart of something does make you feel as though life is good, no matter what you are apart of.
In learning myself though I realized I’m an Alpha. I dance to the beat of my own drum, I like to hold court and make the rules. That’s a hard thing to say when coming into someone else’s circle but I’ve accepted that part of me. So if that means I hold court alone then so be it, if I dance alone that’s okay also, and I guess I’ll just have to follow my own set of rules by myself. But I do know that I will never lower my standards, self-esteem, or anything else about myself to be accepted on anyone else’s terms. I’m too important and too valuable for that.
Acceptance isn’t everything unless you are accepting yourself.
Peace and Love
No words can describe the smile that I have on my face right now.
In the past week, I’ve spoken with a few on my friends who no matter the distance, have always been there for me.
It made me feel good because these are people who I have meet at various points in my life and for some reason they continued to stick around and care about me no matter what or how far I got from them. I love the feeling that it has given me, to be able to pick up and speak like no time has passed.
Friendship is a funny thing. So people are really good at it and others are not. Some people mean well and others…. well let’s just say we have all ran into “that” friend before.
I’ve always considered myself to be a good and a bad friend. My good parts? I’m extremely loyal. If I’ve called a good friend, you can always count on me. My bad parts? I’m not good at calling even when I’m thinking of you and I won’t always come to you when I’m going through things. But even with my faults I know that to have a good friend you have to be a good friend also.
So since 2013 is the year to work on the things I see wrong with myself (since I have already learned to value my opinion of myself over anyone else’s) I plan on being a better friend to those whom I care about. Not everyone gets this big eclectic group of friends that I have collected from all walks of life and from all parts of the world and trust some of them are some characters but they have some of the biggest shoulders a girl could ask for.
I don’t have to name names because you all know that I’m speaking of you and you should know how much I value your friendship. Love you guys lots.
Peace and Love