For Better of For Worse

I will admit I am an absolute brat. When I got married, I actually had the notion that those words only if anything happened to me. I’ve always been pretty sickly so I knew I would be the one having the “for worse” moments. Until two weeks ago when my husband got sick.

He is a very strong worker and always work through pain, sorrow, sickness, unfair hours, anything and everything. I’v never had to worry about him calling out of work because he had a headache or the sniffles. I fact the first day he didn’t feel well he got off went straight to the doctor and was back at work the next day. He worked the rest of the week until that Monday when things changed. He came home and he literally laid out in the floor in pain and couldn’t move. We went back to the doctor they told him they had forgot the antibiotics and gave him some Tamiflu and cough syrup. Now for anyone who has had the flu you know that within 2-3 day on tamiflu you actually began to feel better. This didn’t happen this time.

I’ve very much into essential oils and alternative ways of breaking up colds. I called my mother and all my aunts for any remedy they had that could help in this situation, nothing was working.. I knew then I had to do something I hated doing. Convince him to go back to a doctor. My husband is not a hospital or doctor person and the only reason he does his yearly checks is because I threaten to withhold sex (a woman’s best weapon). I got him to agree although he was like maybe I’ll feel better tonight and if not we can go tomorrow (I wasn’t falling for that).

So I try out local Our Med first unfortunately our insurance requires a referral from our PCP, whose office is closed on the weekend, now I’ve been to this same place before with the same policy in place, the only thing is that you call our PCP within 72 hours, they put the referral in and that’s it. Instead tonight the lady decided to dig her heels in not see us. Although like I’ve said they have done it for me on plenty of occasions. So now the only other place was the ER where our co-pay just went fro $35 to $225…..

So off the the ER we go… thankfully we aren’t sitting long and we are back in a room pretty quickly and he is taken for his check X-ray rather fast also. That was the good part. They immediately came back that he had fluid on his longs and he had pneumonia. He was devastated , I on the other hand have been down this path before so I knew the deal. He doesn’t.

But that made me think of my wedding vows “For Better of For Worse” some people think those are just words until you are in the position. As I sat in a chair next to my husband watching him be in the one place that he dislikes more than ever in the world and not being able to do anything about it. It hit me. This is what it means to be there during the worst of times, even though it may not be as worse as others have it, I am the one used to being sick not him. Our roles were reversed and it felt weird. I was taking car of someone who wouldn’t even let me ever take out the trash.

The thought process of “For Worse”, never even crosses some people minds. I know it can me a lot more but for us my husband being down is as bad as it gets around for me. Everything else I can handle seeing him down actually wants to make me want to run away because there is nothing I can do about it. I couldn’t handle it. I hate seeing someone that prides themselves on being the strongest person for everyone down. I realized then that when you say those vows you have to mean it and know that you are saying it without knowing what may come down the road. It won’t be pretty, but if you have that love in your heart then it won’t matter.

Even my though my “For Worse” made me totally understand the term “Man Baby”….. I would definitely do it again because for better or for worse, I would go to the ends of the Earth for him or with him.

Peace and Love,

Deidre Swain

So this happened…

I wrote a post last week about how I was starting a new hair journey after some events led me to become very unhappy with my hair. I ended the post with saying that I had decided not to cut my hair in order to get it back to it’s healthy state. Well that information was very wrong… I couldn’t get it back the way I wanted it.  Because of the way it had been cut in the middle it was extremely hard to style. I was so sad… so I did the one thing I said I didn’t want to do… I cut my hair.

I’m actually very pleased at how it turned out and since it was done going into the new year, it will be easy to track the progress. I am so looking forward to this hair journey. Stay tuned!!
Peace and Love,

Deidre

Blogmas Day 24 | Influenster Herbal Essences Shine Collection #Voxbox Unboxing & Review

I love a well reviewed review!

Oh, Rosalinda

Hey guys! Welcome back to Mimosas and Marionettes!

I’m so glad you are here today! If you are new to my blog… WELCOME! Thanks for stopping by!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!

🎅🏻🎄☃️🎁

Blogmas has definitely been a challenge for me and even though I haven’t been posting every single day I am so proud of myself for putting out this much content! I had no idea I had this much to say! This is the last day of Blogmas so I had to come in and say thank you so much for following!

Today I wanted to talk to you guys about an Influenster #voxbox I received a few months back.

*****Influenster is a website where you can sign up to review and test products. Depending on your impact score they will send you products they think you will benifit from trying out in exchange for an honest review. I consider…

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My Hair….

I was so in love with my hair. So in love that I wanted to protect it and keep it all to myself so I started getting sew in’s…. constantly.

I loved how my hair would get admired as it was being taken down and put right back up. I never let it breath, get my ends clipped or anything. I just knew that I would have that pretty head of hair for forever.

In a very short time frame it all came crashing down. While getting my weave taken down my hair was mistakenly cut (this happened twice), I had thinning edges, and then something I can’t quite explain I went to bed and woke up with a bald spot! (I believe this was caused by mixing two products together to help the thinning edges but they didn’t agree with each other) I also started going through withdrawals at this after being on anxiety medication for 3 years.

So in less than 30 days all of my hair was gone, yes this happened all within a very short time period. I was heartbroken, my self-esteem took a hit… it was really bad.

So after a few days (okay weeks, I can be very vain) I got up dusted my self off and realized that I could still fix the situation.  The first thing I did was increased my water intake (I have eczema and it drys out my scalp badly) and started taking vitamins regularly (biotin and a prenatal).  Then I had to get back to doing the one thing that started this down fall in the first place. I had to start combing my hair. Laziness was the main reason for my constant use of a sew in’s in the first place (although I combed my weave more than my own hair, go figure)

Another thing I did was resist the urge to just cut it all off and either go short or natural. This may have seemed like the perfect time to do these things but, neither was a real option for me. I have a hard time taking care of longer hair, shorter hair would have been much worse! With my scalp being as dry as it is… I could not have kept up with it. Which also is the reason I can’t go natural.  I understand every one saying how easy it is but for me but curl pattern is tight. So add that with dry hair and you have constant breaking so what would be the point of going natural only for my hair to not grow?  So I continued to still get my relaxers and just work with what I have until I get back to where I know I can be.

I didn’t include any pictures on this post but I will be add some soon. I just wanted to have a say for the relaxed ladies out there who go through things and the only advice we seem to be getting these days is to “go natural”, it doesn’t work for everybody and it isn’t for everybody.

Peace and Love,

Deidre

At Home Microdermabrasion

If you know me you know I love to get facials and massages!! They don’t always fit into my budget though so when I’m unable to get the spa, I love knowing how to care for my skin myself. Even if it seems as though you have good skin there are always thing going on that the naked eye can’t see. So cleaning and moisturizing are very important!

To get a good at home microdermabrasion treatment you only need three things:

-A Toothbrush

-Facial Cleanser

-Baking Soda

Mix facial cleanser and baking soda together and apply to face using toothbrush, once a applied give your face a good gentle scrub using the toothbrush. Make sure you pay close attention around the noise area, the toothbrush is very good for getting rid of blackheads that are normally hard to reach in this area.

When done with scrub leave on for five minutes, then rinse, use an astringent and moisturize!

That’s all there is to it!

Peace and Love,

Deidre

 

I’m Selfish

So I’ve admitted it. That wasn’t so bad. So now how do I deal with it? or do I even deal with it? I mean I’m 35 years old, no biological children with free reign over my own finances. So I’m not only selfish, I’m spoiled, self centered, and I can even have a mean girl streak in me… But I’m a good person. I’m a loving person who will give anyone my last. I love to help others and I like to think of myself as a melanin Martha Stewart. Although I have alot of negatives… I see the world as having sunshines, rainbows and unicorns. I love to call the world I live in my utopia… because it is.

I like to make my life and the life around me as good as possible because I don’t want to live in a constant place of negativity. I know everything that is going on in the world. I’m not blind nor am I an idiot. My skin color doesn’t allow to ignore what is going on. I speed when I drive. I live in a neighborhood where we are the only black family and we are completely ourselves, we don’t do anything different we are still ourselves. We do what others would call “black things” we have parties, play loud music, we have people over all the time. We just try to be respectable of others while staying true to ourselves. I wonder though if my background has made me this way. I wonder was I too protected? I do feel as though these things won’t and shouldn’t happen to me, but I guess that can be said about everyone who has gotten shot and killed.


This reminds me of something that happened a few weeks ago we were actually having a small gathering in the backyard and when I say small it was small. I had just had a birthday party a few weeks earlier and their were about 50+ that night. But for this small gathering we got a visit from the police… they had gotten a noise complaint. The officers were nice and respectable (we do live in a mid scale neighborhood) so they let us know (indirectly of course) that there is no noise ordinance rules on the books but they just had to come out anyway. Now the people who complained didn’t live in my immediate neighborhood. As the residents of Merry Place we have a chain text message where we can text each other with any problems we may have. So we turned the music down only to hear the music of the “party” we were supposedly disturbing. We could have just turned out music back up…. but you should always pick and choose your battles and this wasn’t one of them. The police weren’t overly concerned and knew that it wasn’t a big deal so…. Even with that happening I still can’t be scared of the police. My only concern is getting back home to my family. If that makes me a punk then so be it.

The Help that hurts….

So it’s after 5am…. and I’ve been up since about 3:30am…. I thought I had gotten this insomnia problem under control but…. wait for it, it’s back and all because the medication that was given to me to help, hurts me when I no longer need it….

So I’ve always been pretty open about my past anxiety and depression issues… I’m in so much of a better place right now that I decided to take control and stop being dependent on a medication to make me feel better (but should I ever need it again I won’t hesitate to take it). I’ve gained so much more confidence and knowledge over the past few years that I feel like I’m actually doing myself a disservice by not coming off of the medication. With doing so though it brought really bad withdrawal symptoms into my world. It’s literally like my brain is threatening my body. I feel like I’m in one of those thriller movies and I’ve been kidnapped and the kidnappers are cutting off pieces of my body because my family won’t pay fast enough!! (I know very morbid but I wanted you to get the point)

I want to give in so badly…. I really, really do but, I’ve done that in the past. I didn’t trust myself, my husband, family and friends to know that this is a moment, a period and like all things this too shall pass. It’s not always going to feel like this or be like this in fact, I will actually be better off once I do this. It’s very scary though, no one wants to feel like their body is betraying them. Crazy thoughts that you don’t want or need invade your every waking moment… you physically feel drained and lifeless, with no sense of whats real and what isn’t….

But I’m going to push… I’m going to be stronger because I am, because this hasn’t always been my life. So because of that I know what the other side looks like, feels like and I want that! I remember what it feels like to fall asleep at night because I’m tired and to take naps! I remember just being me without all the background noise in my head constantly second guessing my every step… I remember it all. Now I’m not saying I will ever disregard all that I have been through, I can’t. It has now become a part of me also but just a part and not all of me. I’m so much more than one period of time in my life.

So even though my help is hurting me right now it’s okay because I know its not here to stay.

Peace and Love,
Deidre

Lives Matter

For anyone who knows me, I try to stay away from status quo….

But lately I can’t seem to get away from it because every day I see it on the news.  Lives of people are being cut short for unnecessary reasons. Now first of all please notice that I said people, no it’s not a typo and no I didn’t say black people. I said people in general because it is happening to every one of every race, what is chosen to be shown on a national level is something totally different.

I heard the other day that this has always been happening but what hasn’t always happened is that there was someone there to record it.  That is the only difference.

I’m going to try and get my feelings out before you think that I’m “sellout” or any other choose words that I’ve been called when I’ve tried to have the conversation with various people.

First of all I’m not afraid of the Police, they are human. A badge and a gun makes you no worse or better than me. So because of that I treat them the way I want to be treated. I try stay calm, I answer questions with honesty and I try to give them no reason for them to fear me in anyway. I’m not trying to insinuate anything on anyone I’m speaking on myself.

Second, I don’t believe all Police are bad. I think there are bad ones out there, but I don’t think these are the ones that are doing the shootings. Those are the ones we should be most concerned about.

Third, FEAR is the real problem. The police get no respect now. So they resort to intimidation to try and put FEAR into people to make it seem like respect. Just like our teachers, police officers are underpaid public servants. We call on them when we need them and then blow through a red light and curse them out when we are caught.  We can’t have it both ways. We all have been taught to FEAR the police because they have all the power so when we are confronted we do one of two things: we get defensive and defiant or we shut down. Neither of these is the right way to proper way to act in my opinion, especially with the climate of FEAR that we have going on in todays world.

Do you realize the police are just like everyone one else? They want to go to work, do their job and go home to their families at night.  The same as anyone reading this blog right now. So what can be done to change this? How do we see this thing go to a better place?

When I speak on police being scared I get this, “If they were going to be scared then why become a police officer?”  My answer, The same way a young person knows that they want to join the military but aren’t prepared mentally to go into another country and go to war.

So although there is hate in the world I don’t believe things have gotten to the point where  people are blatantly hating in the open. The worse hate happens where we can’t see it. So for one second lets put on some else’s shoes. I would like for you to go back to everything that has been in the new lately, watch the videos and tell me what would you have done it those situations. I know you are all going to say well I wouldn’t shoot them, I wouldn’t have shot to kill, I would have just used my taser… but if you were there would you have FEARED for your life or do you think you would have been brave enough to say “hey if it’s my time then I’m ready”… I highly doubt. Self preservation wins out every time.

Please don’t get me wrong this was not a pro-police post. Although I respect them as I would like to think that they respect me in spite of my skin color.  I just want to see everything with clear eyes and not with a biased opinion.  Some of these resent killings have been justified and unjustified lets be honest about that. Then lets go from there on how to make things better because they can be. I wouldn’t want to volunteer to work in a job where everyone hated me…

 

Peace and Love,

Deidre

 

 

Everyone seems to have a lot to say about this upcoming election. I see and hear so many opinions that its crazy.  The biggest question I have is do you know what any of this means?

Each and everyone has a cause or an issue that is close to us. So have you done your research on your candidate to see where they stand on the particular issue? Will it be something that is beneficial to you or will it make things worse for you?

I took it upon myself to do what I’m asking you before I made this post. I was pleasantly surprised that the information I was looking for was readily available or an email got me the information. I urge and highly suggest that you do the same. The things that you don’t think will affect you in way will. It’s the trickle down effect. You may not feel it right away but eventually it will.

So come this November put all of your complaints in a pen/pencil and vote what’s right for you. Get involved if you can. You can actually be the change you want to see. I mean did we not learn anything from Micheal Jackson? Start with the man/woman in the mirror.

Peace and Love,

Deidre