So I’ve admitted it. That wasn’t so bad. So now how do I deal with it? or do I even deal with it? I mean I’m 35 years old, no biological children with free reign over my own finances. So I’m not only selfish, I’m spoiled, self centered, and I can even have a mean girl streak in me… But I’m a good person. I’m a loving person who will give anyone my last. I love to help others and I like to think of myself as a melanin Martha Stewart. Although I have alot of negatives… I see the world as having sunshines, rainbows and unicorns. I love to call the world I live in my utopia… because it is.

I like to make my life and the life around me as good as possible because I don’t want to live in a constant place of negativity. I know everything that is going on in the world. I’m not blind nor am I an idiot. My skin color doesn’t allow to ignore what is going on. I speed when I drive. I live in a neighborhood where we are the only black family and we are completely ourselves, we don’t do anything different we are still ourselves. We do what others would call “black things” we have parties, play loud music, we have people over all the time. We just try to be respectable of others while staying true to ourselves. I wonder though if my background has made me this way. I wonder was I too protected? I do feel as though these things won’t and shouldn’t happen to me, but I guess that can be said about everyone who has gotten shot and killed.

This reminds me of something that happened a few weeks ago we were actually having a small gathering in the backyard and when I say small it was small. I had just had a birthday party a few weeks earlier and their were about 50+ that night. But for this small gathering we got a visit from the police… they had gotten a noise complaint. The officers were nice and respectable (we do live in a mid scale neighborhood) so they let us know (indirectly of course) that there is no noise ordinance rules on the books but they just had to come out anyway. Now the people who complained didn’t live in my immediate neighborhood. As the residents of Merry Place we have a chain text message where we can text each other with any problems we may have. So we turned the music down only to hear the music of the “party” we were supposedly disturbing. We could have just turned out music back up…. but you should always pick and choose your battles and this wasn’t one of them. The police weren’t overly concerned and knew that it wasn’t a big deal so…. Even with that happening I still can’t be scared of the police. My only concern is getting back home to my family. If that makes me a punk then so be it.