In the past, I have been very hard on myself because of past youthful mistakes I’ve made.  I never ever considered what I went through as a “testimony”.  I always thought of it as my badge of shame.  Until I met a young lady who has been in my life for only a short time and I realized that I have something to share for the next generation.  This gave me a feeling of empowerment because for so long I hid from it and thought I had the scarlet letter A across my forehead. This young lady has taken to me and listened to my stories and is really trying to stay off the path I took in life. I know she isn’t going to do everything perfect and she is still going to make some of the same mistakes I did but at least she will have something I didn’t, a non judgmental ear that will listen and someone who will always be there for her.

I always wonder why I’m here sometimes, what’s my purpose but I’m beginning to see that things happen very much so for a reason. There were times when I wanted to die, and I don’t mean saying it in my head but actually trying to end my life. I know that some people call that cowardly but when you can’t see beyond your hurt and pain you think that not being in this world is better than anything.  I’m not going to lie and say these thoughts don’t occasionally still pop up in my head, I’ve just learned to deal with them better.

But for the young lady in my life who is also my personal assistant, I’m going to make sure that I pass the lessons on that I’ve learned and help her grow to be the best woman that she can be and guess what? It’s making me a better me also.

Peace and Love,

Deidre

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