Baby making and Life Contemplation

So today is the 3rd day that I’m on my first Clomid Cycle of pills… don’t ask or think. I am absolutely nervous. I never ever thought I would have to work so hard at having a baby. I wanted it to be natural  and special, you know just making love with my husband and then waking up one day pregnant… wishful thinking I guess, but isn’t that how it should be anyway? But nothing has ever been simple or easy for me, so why should this be? I’ll the obstacles and challenges I’ve ever went through only made me a stronger person anyway.  (Yes, that was a brag) My anxiety will be in overdrive for the next couple of months, but at least I know why and I can handle it.

I’ve also been doing a lot of life contemplation lately. When I start thinking about life the Alicia Keyes song “Brand New Me” always runs through my head. I guess my mind is trying to tell me that I’m not the same person that I used to be. I’m trying to embrace that, the change that has happened and is happening in me. I know that I’m growing as a person everyday and it is scary and wonderful all at the same time. You should never stop growing, learning about life or evolving as a person.  I just had a birthday last week, and now more than ever my purpose in life (still searching) is more important to me than ever, being myself without boundaries no matter who approves or not. If you can’t be the best you then who can you be?

I feel importance in me, greatness even.  I have no idea what it will be to make my life light shine bright. Whether it’s a big thing or little but I know I can’t wait and it will be fantastic.  Life has taken on a different shape for me, one that I’ve molded to be the way I want to live. I love it and I’m love with it.

Peace, Love, and Joy,

Deidre

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